Ask Angela Interview: “Looking for Love” shares her “No Intra-Ward dating” story

Angela: So, I’ve heard of some single adults thinking “intra-ward” dating is a bad idea, but I’ve never heard of someone refusing a date because of it. Tell us a little more about you’re situation.

Lookin’ for love: Yes, it has happened maybe 5 different times now within the last 6 months. I’ll meet a guy who seems decent, I’ll invite him to do something, and then I’ll get this incredulous look from him like, “How dare I cross that line and ask someone out in my own ward.” And then he’ll decline for that reason, albeit politely.

A: That seems so strange to me. Do you ever ask any follow up like, “Oh really? Why not? There are great girls in this ward?”

L: No, I never do. It’s embarrassing enough to get turned down when you ask someone out, so I’m just trying to get out of there as fast as possible.

A: I definitely understand. Have you ever seen any of these guys dating other the other girls in the ward?

L: That’s the thing, people are so secretive about who they are dating. I used to live in Utah and if someone was dating that meant they were sitting next to each other in church with their arms all wrapped around each other in the pews practically making out. In Boston, I haven’t seen much of that, so I have no idea who these guys are dating – they just aren’t dating me! But if I had to guess, I would say yes, they are dating other girls.

A: Oh yeah? Why would you guess that?

L: Because who else are they dating? If they want to marry an LDS girl, then they have to date LDS girls, and we’re all in this ward! So, I’m pretty sure it’s just me which is depressing as [heck], lol.

A: Haha, okay. Yes, that’s a good deduction. Well, I give my opinion on “intra-ward” dating in Saturday’s ‘Ask Angela’ article. Thank you for sharing your story and I look forward to our follow up interview.

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I know in today’s article I said it’s a bad idea to assume things, that has always gotten me in trouble, but if I got the don’t-date-girls-in-my-ward excuse even just once…I’d never ask anyone out ever again.  Which is too bad. But, in asking people about this, someone compared dating within your ward to “peeing in the swimming pool,” and that it’s the “worst idea ever.” So, lots of different perspectives. What do you think?

If you have a story you’d like to tell, we’d love to interview you! Send us an email to askangela.dn@gmail.com and don’t forget to like our Facebook Page.

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3 thoughts on “Ask Angela Interview: “Looking for Love” shares her “No Intra-Ward dating” story

  1. So funny that I should read this after just having this conversation with a guy I used to date in my old ward. Ha ha ha. I personally believe that dating within your own ward is an okay thing. If you feel the urge to get to know someone more, go for it, but know that if it does get “messy”, you may never feel comfortable in your own ward again. I started dating said guy mentioned above, let’s call him Parker, at the same time that I was looking for a new place to live and was prompted and made the decision to move out of my old ward because I felt if that situation went south, it would make my church and social life very uncomfortable.
    I have some friends who date within our ward and if those relationships don’t continue, there are both those that are fine and those who want to move out because it’s not a good thing for them to remain in an environment that has become kinda (or very) toxic. It’s sad, but true. Personally, I go to church for the Spirit, not to engage in the “Meat Market”. In many wards it is a meat market.
    It turns out I made the right decision. Things with Parker didn’t go as I had hoped and thankfully I was no longer in his ward, which made it possible to cut all ties when I needed to. But he came back a few months ago and well, we’ll see what happens. I’m so happy though that I can see him without having to worry about the repercussions of it on my own soil.
    So go with your gut and listen to your heart on this one.

  2. I am surprised, to be honest, that this has happened so often. Since, like you said, it is as embarrassing as heck to get turned down, is there something missing? There are outside-of-church activities that aren’t labeled as dating, but where we all know very well its intention is to get to know each other better. It can be hanging out, a group dating, or just meeting up to walk to institute together, sitting next to each other… the list goes on where people can get to know each other casually. Those can’t be turned down, and if they are turned down, there is no excuse attached to it. Through those activities, chemistry can be found, then a date is inevitable, ward boundaries or not!

  3. I met my wife in a single’s (student) branch. I was assigned as her home teacher. We were not dating exactly, we just became friends, and then we learned to love each other. And we had over 30 years together in this life. My best friend. The Lord placed us in the same place, He had me called as home teacher to that apartment. To refuse to date anybody in that branch would have been to deny the guidance of the Lord. If we will follow, He will lead. “I don’t date anyone in my ward.” Just an excuse.

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