My dream came true, then my husband died

Hello Angela,
 
I am a returned missionary and I have been home for almost three years. When I returned home just like any RM, my dream was to meet a worthy young priesthood holder and start a life together.Surely I did, we were happy but unexpectedly I lost him after being involved in a terrible motor accident. It has been over 18 months and I still can’t move on. I have met good guys  but I still feel… I just can’t. I want to move on with my life. I want to love again but it seems like each day, it gets harder. What can I do?
 
L

Dear L, 

The loss of a loved one is an indescribable feeling. My heart goes out to you.

I had a dear friend in college who lost her brother to suicide when she was a teenager. I remember talking to her about it and asking “How do you ever get through something like that?” She simply said, “Time.”

I know from experience that there’s a lot more to it, but recognizing that it will take time is a great place to start. Time to grieve, time to heal, time to be angry…all of that. Maybe 18 months seems like a long stretch and there’s a voice inside of you saying “Come on, get over it already!” But I would do all that you can to just let yourself go at your own recovery speed.

You know the Plan of Happiness, you spent many months teaching about Eternal marriage, give those principles time to heal your heart and renew your strength.

After that, and when you’re ready…dating might start to feel a little more natural.

I hope this helps…at least a little.

Love,

Angela

 

 

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2 thoughts on “My dream came true, then my husband died

  1. The love of my life passed on after we had 13 years of happiness together. He had been ill, and we were older, but we were so in sync it was incredible…and 8 years later it seems like yesterday. It takes as long as it takes. A family member lost her love after an accident, and several years later, remarried, to a wonderful man who had also lost someone. They leave room for one another’s feelings and shared in one another’s lives and children and friendships, since both had young children as well. Why do I tell you these two different stories? So you know that every path can be different, and especially, that not all paths can lead to the same outcome. I tried remarriage, and it didn’t work–for me. But my sweet relative is not me and her path is not mine, nor is hers or mine, yours. In fact, my past is not necessarily my future, either, although I may choose it to be. You just have to let your grief take the time it needs, to be still, find a space for you to pray for direction, for peace, and for whatever you feel you need to sustain your spirit at the moment, to listen to yourself, and to pay attention to the Holy Ghost’s promptings. If you have a support system, be sure they are on the same page, that what they say makes you feel stronger. My loved one passed 12 days before Christmas, and the ladies in the family took me shopping–where everything I saw reminded me of him! No one, me included, thought about that. I hope this helps some, and gives you some feeling that you aren’t alone.

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