Breaks? Good or bad for relationships?



Dear Angela,

My boyfriend wants us to go on a break. We’ve been fighting a lot recently (because of all of his secret late night texting with this girl “Rebecca”) and he just feels like he needs space to figure stuff out. When I say, “WTF does ‘figure stuff out’ mean?” He gives me a vague answer about exploring other options and yada, yada, yada. I’ll give him a break but I’m afraid that break means “Let me go be with Rebecca and I just want to keep you on the side in case things don’t work out.” I don’t really want break, I think he and I can work it out without either of us “exploring other options.” What should I do?


Not Rebecca

Dear Not Rebecca,

Do you know the saying, “If you love something let it go?” Well there’s another similar but lesser known saying that says “If he’s late night texting another girl, let him go.” It’s not as catchy, and actually I just made it up, but it definitely works in this scenario.

With some exceptions, people don’t secretly text about benign things late at night. So what you’re afraid of happening is likely already happening. Breaks are good, when they’re used to get perspective, to recover from angry feelings, or to just stop the fighting – they can be really helpful for a struggling relationship.

When they’re used to mask a fling, they don’t do anything except ruin trust and leave at least one person hurting a lot. So what should you do? You should grant him his break, but re-label it what it really is: you two are breaking up. Start 2014 enjoying life with the people who really love you and when he comes back, which he will, you won’t want this type of relationship anymore.

Hope this help, and let us know how it goes!




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