I’m currently dating a guy with whom I have huge religious differences. We are both very true to our respective religions and are very serious about not compromising our faiths. I’m not really expecting the relationship to last, but for right now, he’s providing me with a type of companionship that is improving my life. I like spending time with him, he likes spending time with me. We’re both aware that this arrangement has a shelf life, but I don’t see any harm being with him while I’m not with anyone else. We’ve also both agreed that we will keep our feelings somewhat casual, and I think it’s a good setup. My friends say I’m being naive, dumb, and ultimately selling myself short.
What do you think? Can he be “the one” for me right now, and can that be okay?
– Shelf Life
Dear Shelf Life,
Okay so here are the questions that I have:
1. What happens when you’re both so in love that you’ll abandon religion – love is a powerful feeling, this could happen. Are you okay with that? (Am I being too dramatic by making this question #1??)
2. What happens if you decide that you want him for more than “right now?” But he’s still not looking for anything permanent from you. Can you handle that heart-break? (You can’t, we never can!)
3. Will you miss other opportunities that could be long lasting because you’re in a “right now” relationship?
and lastly . . .
4. Do you really want something that’s only temporary? Or are you just having something that’s only temporary because you don’t feel like you can’t find the real thing? (Of course you don’t want something temporary…)
These are a few of the questions you’ll want to ask yourself as you decide what to do. I had a “right now” relationship a few years ago, and it wasn’t the worst thing. I lived, laughed and kinda loved (LOL) and even though my friends were like “Don’t, don’t, don’t, beware, beware, beware”: Sometimes you just have to experience things for yourself.
I don’t think dating this guy is going to ruin your life, but I do think it will end up being a really frustrating relationship that you’re still in a place where you could choose to avoid it.
So yeah, do you want a “right now” relationship or do you want the real thing? Once you’ve answered that question you’ll know what to do.
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