Ask Angela: You know I have feelings for you, stop talking about other women

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I think we can be friends, but he needs to stop talking about other women. How do I tell him that? Photo credit: Bossip

Dear Angela, 

I told my best guy friend that I have feelings for him. He thanked me for being open with him, told me he doesn’t feel the same way, but that he really values our friendship. Still, he complains to me about his ex-girlfriend. He tells me how much he loves her and how she’s the best and most special girl he’s ever met. This shouldn’t drive me crazy like it does, but I wish he would just be sensitive to the fact that I have feelings for him. How do I communicate this without making our friendship awkward?

-The Friend

 

Dear The Friend, 

I’ve totally been in this situation before. 

What I did: Listened to the guy go on and on about his drama and then gave really good advice hoping that he’d be like, “Wow, Angela is so thoughtful and kind and knowledgeable. I can’t even remember Girl X anymore, I love Angela forever.” 

This never happened.

What had happened instead was I went along with my plan to make him fall in love with me, he didn’t, and I grew to resent him for making me wonder “What’s so good about her that’s not good about me?” and the friendship died. 

What I should have done / What you can still do: Tell him (casually and soon) that you care about him and about his life but considering that other conversation the two of you just had, you’re not ready to talk about his love life just yet. Then say, “Is that cool?” He’ll say yes, and if you act normal, he will act normal, too – and soon everything will be normal. 

Seriously, the “play it cool” self torture of acting like him talking about other women doesn’t upset you, isn’t worth it. So be straight up, ASAP.

Love, 

Angela

 

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