I’ve been dating this guy for almost a year (I feel like that’s how all of the questions start, right? You know there’s something bad when it starts with “So, I’ve been dating this guy…). Anyway, recently I started bringing up some thoughts I have about marriage in our conversations. I’ve been really subtle about it; I bring it up when it flows naturally into the conversation. But every time it came up he would get a weird look on his face, become really cagey, and immediately try to change the subject. Finally, I confronted him. I told him frankly that a Temple marriage was a really important goal of mine, and that I was concerned that he kept trying to avoid the discussion. He said, “I feel like we haven’t been dating long enough to be thinking about marriage.”
We have been dating for a year!! Okay, 10 months, but still! It’s not like I was asking him to put a ring on it; I just wanted to open the discussion to see where he stood. Is there a timer that’s supposed to go off in relationships when it’s okay to start planning for the future? I really like him so I don’t want to push him away by pressuring him. But I don’t want to get more entrenched in a relationship with someone who is not serious about marrying me. I’ve been in a few relationships like this before with Mormon guys who will date me for a million years without ever actually wanting to get married. What gives?
Looking Forward to the Aisle
Dear Looking Forward to the Aisle,
What did you say after he said that? I want you to fill us in, because how that conversation ended is important to where you go from here.
But, based on the info I have, I think you should break up with him. Here’s why…
- Everyone thinks about marriage. Everyone. Even if they think about it to think “I’m not going to marry this person.” They’ve still thought about it. (Especially Mormon singles.)
- The fact that he’s saying he hasn’t means either A. He’s lying (you don’t want to be with someone who is dishonest.) Or B. He’s too afraid to tell you how he really feels – which speaks to his general level of manliness and to the strength of your relationship and communication styles.
So, end this. Maybe he’ll want to try things again and you guys can talk/re-establish expectations but for now amicably end the relationship because you two are looking for different things.
Keep us in the loop and get more advice from our FB community.
Stay tuned for our next post on what “Looking Forward to the Aisle” can do in her next relationship to make it more successful!
Follow us on Twitter! @askange_column
Follow our Instagram! @askangelashow
Like our Facebook page and submit a question! AskAngelaSLC