Church Lady Spanked My Daughter, What Do I Do? | Ask Angela

Photo Credit: morethanjustmontesorri.blogspot
Photo Credit: morethanjustmontesorri.blogspot

DEAR ANGELA: My 5 year old daughter told me that she was spanked by a woman I asked to babysit her (and who is also in my ward relief society.) On extreme occasions I spank my children but in no way condone anyone putting their hands on my children no matter the reason. I’m so angry and upset by this. How do I confront this woman knowing that I will have to see her every Sunday?

Furious

Dear Furious,

I think this is pretty serious. You can’t worry about that lady’s feelings and confronting her with tact. People can’t be spanking other people’s kids and feeling like it’s okay. Pray for help, say your piece and protect your daughter – that’s your priority.

 Love,

Angela

Ps. For how to deal with the aftermath click here.

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4 thoughts on “Church Lady Spanked My Daughter, What Do I Do? | Ask Angela

  1. Are you kidding me?? What was she thinking? I am don’t have any great advice. I hate confrontation but I think you have to ask.

    1. Yeah, someone commented in the Ask Angela Facebook group that kids are out of control and if you let someone babysit them you’re allowing their best judgement in watching over your children. I agree to an extent…but I think if a child is so out of control that you feel like you need to spank them, call the parents and tell them they need to come get their kid. Ya know?

  2. If you’ve given someone permission to spank your kid(s), OK. If not, they should CHECK with you FIRST, and abide by what you say.

    In years and generations past, though, it was not only accepted but encouraged to spank a child without the parents’ knowledge or permission. Realize that she undoubtedly meant no disrespect or harm.

    I’d say that there’s no need to be confrontational. Just say, “I was upset that you didn’t ask me if this was OK.” Then, don’t ask her to babysit again. If she asks why, tell her it’s because your styles and opinions are very different, and you want to avoid problems for everyone.

  3. First physical punishment of children has an appropriate time and place, sometimes it IS NOT appropriate to wait for mom or dad to get home to administer the consequences of bad behavior. I know that this generation of parents with little children have a hard time believing that a swat on the bottom is appropriate in any condition. My advice to anyone that is having someone watch their children is to clearly identify when or if this kind of discipline is to be administered BEFORE being allowed to watch the offspring. Failure to have that discussion is just asking for trouble that can impact relationships and create feelings that make it hard to be in the same room, ward, county, or state. Second, don’t just trust the “little angel” to tell you the real story or the truth. As sweet and honest as you think your child is, s/he isn’t that person when the parent figure is missing. Don’t let them create a problem out of something that isn’t.

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