I’ve been very happily married for 5 years but I still have deeply hurt feelings from the way I was treated in a relationship that ended 7 years ago. I assumed once I found the right one they would eventually fade away but I still think about this relationship fairly regularly. I don’t want to. I feel like maybe I just never got the closure I needed but I don’t know how to make that happen now. The guy and I aren’t in contact and I don’t think it would be appropriate to contact him anyway. What do I do? – Ave
Thank you for your question and I want to begin our conversation by asking you to ask yourself some questions.
1. What are these deeply hurt feelings that you have? Why are they painful for you now?
2. Did the person you were with 7 years ago change the way you viewed yourself? If so, in what ways?
3. What do you think would make you feel better?
Think about these, and respond, I’d love to talk with you about your experience. Break ups, even when they are for the better, are extremely difficult. I know I have a relationship from 10 yrs ago that I still consider from time to time and regret choices that I made. And honestly, that’s okay. We remember that we loved someone, we remember that we hated someone, we remember that we were hurt, we remember that we had fun, we remember, remember, remember…the challenge is to put those memories into the proper place in our minds and hearts – so that they don’t torment us in the present and block us from progressing forward.
Before I share my thoughts on how to do this, I’ll turn the topic to Ask Angela readers. What advice would you give Ave about navigating the feelings she’s experiencing?