You know the saying about eating crow? And how it’s best served hot? Yeah I only kind of know the saying, too. But the idea is if you’ve gotten into a battle with someone, try your best to calm down and quickly make it right. Even if you don’t resolve the actual problem – look for ways to affirm the importance of the relationship and a desire to make things right.
I have a dear friend who is Christian. I’m Agnostic. I understand how much his faith means to him and gives him comfort, etc., and I respect that, which I’ve told him.
I’ve made it clear that I am an Agnostic and spiritual but . Is not Christian. Unfortunately, it seems that he’s on a mission to convert me. I’ve told him many times that I respect how much his faith means to him, but that I don’t share it.
I think it’s time to tell him I don’t want to discuss it any further and to please stop trying to “help me find my God,” etc.
But, I worry it’s going to be a friendship ender. Since he’s convinced that his God is real and that I’d be happy if only I “knew Him,” etc., I worry that he won’t give me the same respect I’ve given him regarding his religion, with an equal respect of my lack of one.
There doesn’t seem to be much in the way of acceptance of non-believers. What can I do to save this relationship?
Dear Agnostic Friend,
“I love you and this relationship means a lot to me. It’s important for you to know that I feel uncomfortable when you do X, Y and Z because it feels like you’re trying to convert me to your religion instead of respecting where I am in my spiritual journey. Is that your intent?”
Then listen to his response…He’ll likely say because he cares about you he’s sharing what’s precious to him – and I think that’s great – what you want to communicate is not necessarily “don’t share with me” but rather, understand that our opinions are different and I want to feel respected even though we’re different.
I know nothing about this man but if he’s a good guy that you’ve been friends with for a long time, I’m confident that he’ll hear you out and make moves to adjust to your needs.
Stay kind, give him a chance to talk, and reinforce how important this relationship is to you, this conversation will go just fine.
I’ve always hated the question “So what do you do for a living?” Primarily because the “correct” answer to that question isn’t really the true answer. What do I do for a living? What gives me life? Soooo many things that have nothing to do with how I earn a check – but I don’t think that’s what people are asking.
The questions below are taken from a Huffington Post article about introverts. You can read the full article here. The article outlines a few questions that are good to use in social situations and I think there are especially good replacements for the
“how much money do you make?” “What do you do for a living?” line.
“Are you working on anything exciting lately?”
“What has been the highlight of your week?”
“When you were a kid, what was your dream job? Is any part of that still true?”
“What are your thoughts on [insert recent issue in the news lately]?”
Using these questions opens up the direction of the dialogue and allows the person you’re speaking with to share what they’re comfortable sharing.
Can you think of any Qs that would accomplish the same goal? Share em.
In response to Tip #14:
“It might be time to kick the relationship from your life. If you don’t feel peaceful it could be a warning that it’s not worth saving.”
– June Newbery (Ask Angela Reader)
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My co-worker/friend and I got into a big fight last week. She repeated something I said to her in confidence to upper level management and it made me look bad. I confronted her about it and she insisted it wasn’t a bad thing. I told her I was done and I did not want to speak to her again. We didn’t talk for four days and then today she came over to my desk as if nothing happened; trying to be all buddy, buddy again. Obviously, she wants to be friends again and the whole thing has really blown over but what she did was wrong and I think honestly it’s inappropriate for us to be so loose with each other about how we feel about the job. Should I just let this one slide? Or am I justified in my annoyance.
Forgive her because why not? If it’s blown over it’s not a big enough deal to disrupt your work peace. Just don’t tell her anything important about anything ever again.
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