WHAT I LEARNED from last week’s episode of Scandal (YOLO episode)

 

Olivia sitting in the corner while her gladiators deal with last week’s debacle.

Another week, another overacted but somehow kind of boring episode. But there’s still stuff to discuss so the joke’s on me. Here’s WHAT I LEARNED from last week’s episode of Scandal:

1. If you’re ever going to torture someone, say YOLO. Nothing is scarier.

2. Don’t worry too much about faking your death and then being held prisoner for 22 years. You get to keep your weave.

3. Girls everywhere: pick the Scott Foley in your life. Dump the Fitz. And pull out the Quinn’s teeth.

4. “H” is the most unnatural nickname in the universe.

5. If a family member ever comes back to life, don’t be happy to see them. Quietly mope in a spotlit corner so that all the attention stays on you.

6. If you’re tied up, don’t take the tape off your mouth even if your hands are close enough. (Watch the episode again. Quinn has to move her head out of the way of her hands several times.)

7. You know that person in your life who does everything for you and makes all of your problems disappear while you sit around creating even more drama? Yeah, turn on them as soon as their life falls apart.

8. “Numb and fine are the same.” Mellie forever.

9. “Ben” by the Jackson 5 is a really good song. Michael forever.

And finally…

10. Here’s what it takes to be the star of a hit show: make one really annoying facial expression in every situation, wear trench coats that swallow you whole, and say whatever ridiculous thing that comes out of Shonda’s mind.

More painful than losing a tooth? I thought this episode was the winter finale and that I could start talking about Real Housewives and Revenge.

 

Elizabeth Trusty is the Ask Angela writer covering TV, celebrities and headbands. Follow her on twitter @berdoo13

What I learned: Last week’s Scandal episode

Photo credit: Chicagonow.com

Fortunately for me, unfortunately for everyone who actually likes Scandal, there is no new episode this week. But to tide all you gladiators over, here’s WHAT I LEARNED from last week’s episode of Scandal.

1. Fitz wants to grow old with Olivia. It’s one too many wrinkles late for that, Mr. President.

2. Fitz wants to fill the secret Vermont house with kids. He could start with the three (or two plus a bro-son?) he already has.

3. Team Mellie for real now. Even though her wig is awful. Olivia’s bouncy weave isn’t much better.

4. Olivia definitely has a weave. I don’t even know if people are trying to say she doesn’t but it wouldn’t surprise me. Like how people thought Beyonce actually cut her hair.

5. Harrison begged to have a shirtless scene.

6. So did Fitz.

7. The writers remembered the show is about Olivia and Fitz and not how Mellie and Fitz get back together in spite of his lying and meanness and generally being a terrible husband.

8. Second week in a row where a disturbing scene was way too long. The only thing worse than Mom, Interrupted was Olivia’s second dress coat.

And the mom was obviously going to escape. It can’t even count as something I learned.

 

Elizabeth Trusty is the Ask Angela writer covering TV, celebrities and headbands. Follow her on twitter @berdoo13

What I learned from last week’s episode of SCANDAL

We love Scandal, but last week’s episiode? (Photo Credit: The Huffington Post)

In honor of the new episode of Scandal tonight, we’re going to review the very confusing Mellie focused episode from last week. Were we demanding a Mellie backstory? I must have missed that in all of Kerry Washington’s super annoying non-announcements about her personal life. Anyways, here’s WHAT I LEARNED from Scandal last week.

1.  Find a friend exactly like David Rosen. You can betray him and throw him under the bus constantly and he will still inexplicably do whatever you say.
2.  Less makeup is more (lookin at you Abby).
3.  I guess to be a gladiator all you have to do is tell your needy boss that you’re with her and keep buttoning and unbuttoning your too small blazer (sorry Harrison, not sorry Harrison)